Ok, have you ever been frustrated and excited at the same time? It's quite a feeling! Lately I've been reading up on some amazing wedding photographers and have felt so much of a drive to really push my work and business my heart just increases in passion and excitement to where I can’t take it anymore! I’m frustrated because I want to be there, be this amazing photographer like the one’s I’m reading and I’m not yet. It’s like I am in a transition phase and I just can’t be content at my regular 9-5 job anymore. Don’t get me wrong it pays the bills and really isn’t too bad but when your heart isn’t in it, it’s nauseating. I heard an expression once, “Be still my beating heart…” and that’s kinda where I’m at today. I’m anxious for the future but already excited about it today. Like a Christmas present you can’t wait to open. I am a little kid again begging to peak into my future and just see what I’m getting, where I’ll be in life, whom I will marry, where my photography business will be in five years? All this waiting is painful. With each blog and website I read the infatuation swells and my heart skips a beat and I have to catch my breath. I haven’t been able to take a real deep breath of air for a while now. As I was reading a bio today by one of my favorite wedding photographers, Jasmine Star (www.jasmine-star.com) it hit me. I have to make the first move! I can’t wait any longer to be that amazing photographer I need to start this year, this month, today! I realized all this time I have been waiting for the right moment in my life and have been in essence letting it pass me all the while. Her words flew off the page at me and for the first time I realized I wasn’t alone. I have wanted photography for so long and so badly it made my chest ache with longing. My heart ached. I couldn’t stop thinking about photography and it scared me because I knew what I had to do. When I have a camera in my hands the world stops and perfect moments are created, melded together with memories that will last a lifetime and I can’t keep living a life that’s not mine. I was created with a purpose and a passion and I know these are the gifts God’s given to me but for too long I’ve sat on them and kept them to myself. It’s as though I’ve been living my life as an alter ego, like Clark Kent stuck at the desk when he’s meant to fly. This time a new motivation has come, it’s time to start my own business! I’m sorry if it sounds cheesy but I know I can’t be happy working my 9-5 with this beating heart that longs for photography. The joy and fulfillment I receive in documenting the most special moments is enough to shoot a rocket off into space and I can’t hide it anymore. My heart can’t be still any longer!
~JJ
